in it to win it

dawid-zawila-zb2vBaHYB2I-unsplash

i’ve been thinking a lot lately, about how much stock i put into other peoples’ opinions about the things i do and what i’m doing with my life.

it’s exhausting and bothersome and creates so much anxiety that i often find myself paralyzed with the idea that someone may not approve of the path i’ve chosen or my beliefs or personality.

that was my entire childhood.

i let myself be hindered by others’ judgements and ideas about my life for as long as i can remember, all while also putting on the front that i was the one in control of my choices and decisions. it stopped me from having a lot of fun or doing some pretty amazing things.

granted, there were a few things i did that had very little to do with what anyone else thought i should be doing (going to europe for two weeks and driving half way across the country to watch the last harry potter movie with my high school best friend were probably the best things i ever did), but the big things, the important things like college and jobs and which course to set myself on, those were all shadowed by everyone else’s ideas of what my life should be.

i have recently accepted the fact that i will never be that square peg. i will never fit in a round hole and i am not meant to be stuck behind a desk for 40 hrs a week.

so, this is me washing my hands of other peoples’ bullshit expectations. this is me renting the studio space for my artwork like i’ve wanted to do for literal years but never did because there’s “no way i’ll sell enough to make it worth it”.

this is me going back to school, not for my parents, or because i’m supposed to, but for me.

this is me throwing down the gauntlet with life and saying “okay, you want to play? let’s play.” and then deciding here and now that i’m going to win.

game on.

xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s