in it to win it

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i’ve been thinking a lot lately, about how much stock i put into other peoples’ opinions about the things i do and what i’m doing with my life.

it’s exhausting and bothersome and creates so much anxiety that i often find myself paralyzed with the idea that someone may not approve of the path i’ve chosen or my beliefs or personality.

that was my entire childhood.

i let myself be hindered by others’ judgements and ideas about my life for as long as i can remember, all while also putting on the front that i was the one in control of my choices and decisions. it stopped me from having a lot of fun or doing some pretty amazing things.

granted, there were a few things i did that had very little to do with what anyone else thought i should be doing (going to europe for two weeks and driving half way across the country to watch the last harry potter movie with my high school best friend were probably the best things i ever did), but the big things, the important things like college and jobs and which course to set myself on, those were all shadowed by everyone else’s ideas of what my life should be.

i have recently accepted the fact that i will never be that square peg. i will never fit in a round hole and i am not meant to be stuck behind a desk for 40 hrs a week.

so, this is me washing my hands of other peoples’ bullshit expectations. this is me renting the studio space for my artwork like i’ve wanted to do for literal years but never did because there’s “no way i’ll sell enough to make it worth it”.

this is me going back to school, not for my parents, or because i’m supposed to, but for me.

this is me throwing down the gauntlet with life and saying “okay, you want to play? let’s play.” and then deciding here and now that i’m going to win.

game on.

xx

when the moon hits your eye…

when the moon hits your eye…

the moon.

there’s just something about it, right?

it’s so big and bright and cleansing.

the moon means many things to me, personally.

it’s a beacon in the sky, because no matter where i am or what i’m doing, it’s always there in some form, whether it’s just a sliver peeking out from the shadows or that big, luminous ball, hanging around and taking up space.

just the fact that it’s there and i can look up and see it at any time (most often times even during the day) is a very soothing thing for me.

it’s a teacher, in that i’m reminded that everything has a cycle and everything changes, but that that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

right now, i’m going through a lot of changes and the moon has been a constant reminder that even though sometimes, it might seem like things are in the shadow and suppressed, that’s no excuse to give up and just throw in the towel.

like the moon, this phase too shall pass and i’ll (hopefully) have learned whatever lesson the universe has to teach me.

the moon is also something of a guardian, left to watch over my thoughts and ideas and keep them safe until i am ready to process them and bring them to their full potential.

perhaps it’s weird to feel such a connection to a great orb in the sky, but that’s the way i’ve always been and i don’t really see myself changing any time soon.

i hope i never lose the need to track the moon through the sky, or feel the cleansing nature of the soft, mellow glow washing over my skin.

what a boring, unimaginative life that would be.

xx

 

lammas blessings to you!

happy lammas, everyone!

today, i hope you take the time to reflect on the changes and blessings that you have received this year and set intentions for the remaining times we have this year.

i know, even with the struggles i’ve gone through, i have much to be thankful for.

a great way to give thanks and honor the universe for the gifts you’ve been given is to set up an altar and offering for whoever or whatever you feel has given you the things you have.

if you don’t honor or worship a deity, simply set up an altar and offering to honor yourself and your achievements.

may the next few months be plentiful and full and vibrant!

xx

a time to reflect…

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i’m excited for this new moon.

not only is it a new moon, a time for cleansings and welcoming in new beginnings, it’s also a dark moon, or, the second new moon in a single calendar month and a time of hightened energy and a great time to work on or dedicate yourself to personal growth.

i have been doing a lot of personal growth this year.

from multiple health issues (thyroid, migraine, general health), after having never really been an unhealthy person, to some financial woes, i’ve gone through a huge bout of soul searching and re-evaluation these last seven months.

it’s been a rollcoaster and i don’t know that i’ve fully come to a stop yet, but during this ebb, i’m planning on taking the time to reflect on all the good and bad of whatever cycle i was in the throes of.

i read once that the dark moon is the savasana of the moon cycle, and i find that super fitting, if not a little ironic, all things considered.

like savasana in yoga, the dark moon is a great time for reflection and absorbtion of all the lessons and teachings, though you may not know what those things are, or are aware that you even learned them.

i feel like that’s on purpose, as we are never completely done changing or shifting, much like the moon itself.

so, tomorrow night, i plan on sitting quietly, with my altar and myself, and just… digest.

meditate

breathe.

be.

will you join me?

three things i learned from my cat

i am lucky enough to be allowed the esteemed company of a little black cat i adopted from a local agency here in my hometown, and let me tell you, is she a hoot.

her name is bird (actually, obsidian blackbird mcknight, but she allows me to shorten it, as she is quite the gracious creature) and she’s three years old and my life is nothing if not entertaining.

she’s always quick to remind me that life does not, in fact, revolve around myself and that it doesn’t matter when I get home from work or doing other fun things, so long as her food dish is full at precisely 5pm and that I’m always available for scritches when she wants them.

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needless to say, i’m not the owner here.

this is her world, i’m just allowed to stay in it.

anyway, i’ve never really been a cat person, per se, (i like them fine, but i do find that i prefer the company of a joyous, rowdy hound) but over the last few years, bird sure has taught me a thing or two about life.

she is benevolent enough to let me share them with you all.

(she’s a gem like that.)

1. always take time to lay in the sun.

we hear it time and time again, that being in the sun is good for us (to a point, as my current sunburn can attest to) and that we need a healthy amount of vitamin d to survive, but even more than that, it’s spiritual.

the sun has a warm quality to it that reminds us that we are alive and we are here. It’s revitalizing in all the best ways and we better not forget it.

2. eat only the best food and turn your nose up at the rest (best being whatever it is that you’re eating). 

i’m lucky in that Bird is not a picky eater. she eats pretty much whatever food i put in front of her, no matter if it’s the super expensive food or the kibble i’m forced to buy when money’s tight.

it’s a reminder to enjoy what you have and don’t worry about what you don’t. enjoy it all the same and bask in the full belly as a result.

3. take the time to play. 

bird has a feather boa toy that she goes crazy for. it’s orange and cheap and the most ridiculous thing, but she adores it and no matter what she’s doing, she will make a beeline across the room to chase it if i wave it around.

it’s a reminder that no matter how serious a task is that i’m currently working on is, i should always take the time to play and chase and have fun. the serious parts of life can wait, after all.

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as you can see, bird is a wise creature and has much knowledge to share. i hope you can gain as much from her “lessons” as i have.

i’m sure she has much left to teach as well.

i, for one, am looking forward to it.

xx