in it to win it

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i’ve been thinking a lot lately, about how much stock i put into other peoples’ opinions about the things i do and what i’m doing with my life.

it’s exhausting and bothersome and creates so much anxiety that i often find myself paralyzed with the idea that someone may not approve of the path i’ve chosen or my beliefs or personality.

that was my entire childhood.

i let myself be hindered by others’ judgements and ideas about my life for as long as i can remember, all while also putting on the front that i was the one in control of my choices and decisions. it stopped me from having a lot of fun or doing some pretty amazing things.

granted, there were a few things i did that had very little to do with what anyone else thought i should be doing (going to europe for two weeks and driving half way across the country to watch the last harry potter movie with my high school best friend were probably the best things i ever did), but the big things, the important things like college and jobs and which course to set myself on, those were all shadowed by everyone else’s ideas of what my life should be.

i have recently accepted the fact that i will never be that square peg. i will never fit in a round hole and i am not meant to be stuck behind a desk for 40 hrs a week.

so, this is me washing my hands of other peoples’ bullshit expectations. this is me renting the studio space for my artwork like i’ve wanted to do for literal years but never did because there’s “no way i’ll sell enough to make it worth it”.

this is me going back to school, not for my parents, or because i’m supposed to, but for me.

this is me throwing down the gauntlet with life and saying “okay, you want to play? let’s play.” and then deciding here and now that i’m going to win.

game on.

xx

affirmations are a girl’s best friend…

i am nothing if not a chronic procrastinator.

i will wait until the last possible second to accomplish anything at all, even if this tactic ends up causing me so much stress i can’t function for hours after.

this makes very little sense, no matter which way you slice it, but somehow, i just never, ever learn.

that said, i’m learning.

one thing I’ve been trying to do this year (that is constantly thwarted by health issues and mutinies of the worst kind), is get better at achieving some of the goals i have for myself.

one way i’ve been trying to motivate myself is by the use of affirmations in every day life.

an affirmation is a great way to remind yourself of what you’re trying to accomplish without it being shoved down your throat, so to speak.

the way i use mine is that i try to write five affirmations in a journal every single day (or at least once a week on a week where i’m super busy or stressed or have low spoons) and i have even written out important affirmations on my bathroom mirror, that way, even if i don’t read them every day, my brain recognizes them on some level and they still do what they’re supposed to do.

because of these affirmations, i have found that i start my day out in a better mood and with a better outlook in general, ready to tackle any of life’s challenges. on top of that, it’s fun to go back and look over the affirmations from the last month to see how things have (or haven’t) changed.

the mind is a crazy, crazy thing and it’s kind of neat how we can reprogram and change how we think about things just by the information we choose to put into it.

kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?

here’s my affirmations for the next week:

i will take time for the things i need to, 

i will remember my worth. 

i will be the best i can be at all that i do. 

i will remain assertive and forthright in the things i am concerned about. 

i will learn how to say what i need to say, when i need to say it. 

what are yours?

xx

 

is “hobbitting” a thing?

if not, it should be.

i went on an adventure yesterday.

mostly unplanned, but still, enjoyable, it was one of the first really nice days of spring and when a friend (@asolitaryfeast) wanted to go to lunch, i couldn’t resist heading downtown for a stroll.

i love the atmosphere of downtown, what with all the hustle and bustle and fun to be found where you least expect it (we found a coffee shop tucked back in an alley one time. would never have known it was there if we hadn’t wandered that way on a whim).

we stopped at a second hand/antique store where i found about a dozen empty bottles for .50 a piece and i had to take them home. i don’t know what i’ll do with them, but what with the holistic shop i’m planning on opening very soon (watch this space!), i’m sure i’ll think of something.

anyway, we went to lunch at a lovely sushi restaurant and had poke bowls (poh-k? Poh-kay? we aren’t really sure, but if any of you know, please drop a comment.)

while not a fan of sushi all that much, i did enjoy the shrimp in my poke bowl, with its rice, ginger sauce and other toppings.

after that, we ducked in and out of a few local shops to peruse the new spring  “must haves” and other things.

we also stopped for what turned out to be the best chocolate chip peanut butter cookie i’ve ever had in my life. i half wish i was joking, but i’m not.

all in all, it was a fun day, full of good food and good company, and i hope to do it again soon.

xx

riding that ebb and flow…

i’m in a weird place.

my mind is clearer than it has been in actual months (both thought-wise and pain-wise), i’ve decided that i want to go back to school (though i haven’t told anyone because i need to do this for me, not them), and the business i’m trying to open (the first step of which being this blog) has made amazing progress.

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needless to say, i’ve never been more productive.

it’s exciting and it’s scary.

i feel this incredible need to go-go-go-go, but i’m also exhausted and i don’t want to burn myself out.

i suppose, in some ways, this post is a reminder that i need to stop and breathe once in a while and that’s okay.

my biggest complaint about society is that everyone is in such a rush all the time, even while i fall into the same trap as the rest of the world.

so, this is me, slowing down.

i have all the time in the world to accomplish the things i want to and it’s not a race.

I AM enjoying the calm and stillness of the creative process,

what will be, will be.

i just need to remember to be patient.

xx

it’s okay to pamper ourselves

i’m a serial “i feel like shit so i’m going to buy lots of things that i don’t need to make myself feel better” shopper.

this inevitably leads to feeling guilty when i finally see my bank account’s been taken out at the knees and i’ll be living on ramen for the next five days before payday.

while this may not be the healthiest of habits, neither is feeling guilty about trying to make yourself feel better.

i’m in no way advocating for someone to go out and spend all their hard earned rent money when they’ve had a shit day, but when things are rough, buy that candy bar or coffee.

sometimes, we really do need a pick-me-up and i don’t think we need to feel guilty about it.

case in point, my new nails.

i’ve been struggling with migraines lately and everything is shitty and i still don’t know what’s causing them, but i decided today that i was going to treat myself to a manicure after being stuck in the house for a three day snowstorm and i was just sick of feeling gross.

so i decided not to feel gross anymore.

i say stop feeling gross and treat yo’self!

life is too short to pass up a candy bar anyway.

xx