insult to injury

so, i lost my job on friday.

i can’t say that it was totally unexpected (a job is only willing to put up with issues and illnesses so long, it seems), but it still stings and the fact that it happened right before christmas is just salt on the wound that has been this entire year.

i also admit that i’ve been pretty mopey and angry about the whole thing.

how dare they fire me?

but no one is irreplaceable, are they? especially in the work force. there’s always someone who’s willing to take up the space you filled for less and that’s what corporations want, right?

even in my situation, my desk was emptied and filled the very next day (i heard this from a friend who works in the very same department), and even that wasn’t shocking.

it still hurt, though.

i gave four years of my life to that job, and while it soured toward the end for various reasons (personal and health related alike), i did enjoy what i did.

but, dwelling on what could have (or should have) happened isn’t going to do anyone any good and as of today, i’ve spent a week doing the thing i told myself i wouldn’t do.

so, i’m not going to anymore.

i got fired.

it happens.

it sucks, and it’s a definite blow to my pride and ego, but i can look at this as a positive instead of a negative.

  1. i’m no longer working a job that i’m bored with for people that don’t want me around.
  2. i have the opportunity to explore new adventures
  3. i have time to focus on my studio and other projects i’ve put on the back burner

ultimately, i’ll be alright.

things are tough, but i’ve made it through my entire life by just tucking my head down and plowing forward.

this really isn’t all that different.

sure, money’s tight and i’m not quite sure where i’m going to scramble my next rent payment from, but i have to trust in the universe, right?

for months, everything’s been telling me that change is coming, that adventures await, that new beginnings are to be had.

i didn’t think it would be this extreme or jarring, but who am i to judge?

i just have to listen.

xx

the “eyes” have it…

i’ve been pretty nonexistent this last month, as you may have noticed.

oops.

long story short, my eyes decided to mutiny and i spent the better part of may struck down with ridiculous migraines and annoyingly doubled vision.

as a result, the only thing i could manage was to just barely crawl through my desk job responsibilities (which has me staring at a computer screen for 8+ hrs a day) and some days, i couldn’t even manage that.

but, enough of that pity party parade.

my eyes are on the mend, my head is (mostly) pain free, and i am so ready to get this show back on the road.

over the next coming weeks, watch this space (!) for more awesome posts and fun adventures to be had!

there may even be a few surprises on the horizon.

but you didn’t hear it from me.

welcome summer! it’s about time you got here!

xx

stop the train, i want to get off…

i’ve been sitting in the parking lot of our local bookstore for the last twenty minutes and yet, i can’t quite bring myself to get out of the car and walk in.

i want to, but for whatever reason, i just can’t bring myself to do it.

i know my anxiety is high, and it has been for the last few days and that could be part of the problem, but still, this is annoying.

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we all have different ways of coping with difficulties in life and usually, going to the bookstore and emersing myself into the world of a good book is the way to do it for me, but that does not appear to be the case today.

today, i can’t shake the feeling that i’m missing the bigger picture and that the universe is trying to tell me something, but i’m too out of tune to notice or decifer what it is.

and that’s annoying to me.

it’s supremely annoying when the world and the noise and the chaos are all too much to handle and i just want to curl up in bed for a year and not have to deal with it.

it’s also annoying that i know from experience that this doesn’t actually help anything.

it’s also irritating that i wanted this to be some super poetic, self help, “everything’s gonna be okay!” post but i don’t have the energy.

i’m having to stop myself from apologizing for that, if only because i have some self implemented goal in my head to always be uplifting and motivated, but that’s on me.

so, i’m not going to apologize for having a bad day or for failing to reach the goals i’ve set for myself.

there’s always tomorrow, after all.

xx