in it to win it

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i’ve been thinking a lot lately, about how much stock i put into other peoples’ opinions about the things i do and what i’m doing with my life.

it’s exhausting and bothersome and creates so much anxiety that i often find myself paralyzed with the idea that someone may not approve of the path i’ve chosen or my beliefs or personality.

that was my entire childhood.

i let myself be hindered by others’ judgements and ideas about my life for as long as i can remember, all while also putting on the front that i was the one in control of my choices and decisions. it stopped me from having a lot of fun or doing some pretty amazing things.

granted, there were a few things i did that had very little to do with what anyone else thought i should be doing (going to europe for two weeks and driving half way across the country to watch the last harry potter movie with my high school best friend were probably the best things i ever did), but the big things, the important things like college and jobs and which course to set myself on, those were all shadowed by everyone else’s ideas of what my life should be.

i have recently accepted the fact that i will never be that square peg. i will never fit in a round hole and i am not meant to be stuck behind a desk for 40 hrs a week.

so, this is me washing my hands of other peoples’ bullshit expectations. this is me renting the studio space for my artwork like i’ve wanted to do for literal years but never did because there’s “no way i’ll sell enough to make it worth it”.

this is me going back to school, not for my parents, or because i’m supposed to, but for me.

this is me throwing down the gauntlet with life and saying “okay, you want to play? let’s play.” and then deciding here and now that i’m going to win.

game on.

xx

when the moon hits your eye…

when the moon hits your eye…

the moon.

there’s just something about it, right?

it’s so big and bright and cleansing.

the moon means many things to me, personally.

it’s a beacon in the sky, because no matter where i am or what i’m doing, it’s always there in some form, whether it’s just a sliver peeking out from the shadows or that big, luminous ball, hanging around and taking up space.

just the fact that it’s there and i can look up and see it at any time (most often times even during the day) is a very soothing thing for me.

it’s a teacher, in that i’m reminded that everything has a cycle and everything changes, but that that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

right now, i’m going through a lot of changes and the moon has been a constant reminder that even though sometimes, it might seem like things are in the shadow and suppressed, that’s no excuse to give up and just throw in the towel.

like the moon, this phase too shall pass and i’ll (hopefully) have learned whatever lesson the universe has to teach me.

the moon is also something of a guardian, left to watch over my thoughts and ideas and keep them safe until i am ready to process them and bring them to their full potential.

perhaps it’s weird to feel such a connection to a great orb in the sky, but that’s the way i’ve always been and i don’t really see myself changing any time soon.

i hope i never lose the need to track the moon through the sky, or feel the cleansing nature of the soft, mellow glow washing over my skin.

what a boring, unimaginative life that would be.

xx

 

a time to reflect…

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i’m excited for this new moon.

not only is it a new moon, a time for cleansings and welcoming in new beginnings, it’s also a dark moon, or, the second new moon in a single calendar month and a time of hightened energy and a great time to work on or dedicate yourself to personal growth.

i have been doing a lot of personal growth this year.

from multiple health issues (thyroid, migraine, general health), after having never really been an unhealthy person, to some financial woes, i’ve gone through a huge bout of soul searching and re-evaluation these last seven months.

it’s been a rollcoaster and i don’t know that i’ve fully come to a stop yet, but during this ebb, i’m planning on taking the time to reflect on all the good and bad of whatever cycle i was in the throes of.

i read once that the dark moon is the savasana of the moon cycle, and i find that super fitting, if not a little ironic, all things considered.

like savasana in yoga, the dark moon is a great time for reflection and absorbtion of all the lessons and teachings, though you may not know what those things are, or are aware that you even learned them.

i feel like that’s on purpose, as we are never completely done changing or shifting, much like the moon itself.

so, tomorrow night, i plan on sitting quietly, with my altar and myself, and just… digest.

meditate

breathe.

be.

will you join me?

it’s rhubarb time!

everyone loves summer, and i’m no different, but there may be just one thing i love more, and that’s rhubarb.

way back, earlier in the spring, i stumbled across a local market selling rhubarb in bulk and… well… i may have over estimated just how much rhubarb you get when it’s processed and diced.

needless to say, i ended up with a lot.

i made some muffins (see recipe below!) and froze the left overs.

and then, everyone found out i was on the hunt for more of the tart vegetable and all hell broke loose.

not only was i harvesting rhubarb for myself, but i was also harvesting the vegetable for other people.

(i may or may not have a problem.)

the point of the matter is, i have a freezer full of rhubarb and i could not be happier. i plan on using most of it to make some strawberry-rhubarb jam, but should have enough left to make a few pies or a crumble.

either way, i am a happy, happy baker.

easy-peasy rhubarb muffins

a tasty treat on a summer's day

ingredients

    • 2 1/4  cups flour
    • 2 1/2 tsp  baking powder
    • 1 tsp baking soda
    • 1/2 tsp salt
    • 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
    • 1 1/4 cup sugar
    • 2 large eggs
    • 1 cup milk
    • a splash of vanilla extract
    • 2 1/2 cups diced rhubarb
    • 1 1/2 tbsp sugar

directions

first, preheat your oven to 350º f. i know from experience that it can be really frustrating when you have everything ready to be put into the oven, only to open the door and have it be stone cold.

next, mix the dry ingredients together in a bowl. set aside.

now you want to mix the eggs, (slightly cooled!) melted butter, sugar, and vanilla together in a separate bowl. when this is done, it should look disgusting, but bear with me.

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take the other bowl of dried ingredients and add them to the wet ingredients gradually, stirring as you go.

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once that’s finished, add in the rhubarb and gently (!) fold it in, evenly incorporating it through the batter.

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now, line (or grease, depending on what you prefer) some muffin tins and fill the cups until they are 3/4 full.

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bake for about 8-10 minutes, depending on your oven.

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enjoyyyy!

this recipe can also be made with strawberries or apples or even blueberries, if you prefer. just watch the moisture and bake times and you’re good to go!

when you try these out, please be sure to drop by and let me know what you thought!

xx