the world these days…

i’ve spent quite a lot of time just thinking lately.

about the world, about the pandemic, about all the traveling i never got to do before we all learned that maybe charging headfirst into the unknown isn’t a good idea right now…

i’m one of the lucky ones.

my job allows me to stay employed and at home, for the most part. my boss has told me on multiple occasions that if i’m not comfortable coming into the office, he won’t hold it against me.

i know there are a lot of people out there who don’t have that luxury and i am trying to do my part to stay away from all the unnecessary places that people don’t need to visit right now. (i’m looking at you, karen. you don’t need that hair cut. sit down, shut up and think about someone other than yourself, m’kay?)

food, bank, home.

wash. rinse. repeat.

is it boring?

yes.

is it lonely?

honestly, i’ve never been more lonely in my life.

… is it necessary?

yes.

until all this is over (and the chances of it ever being over are in the negatives), this is the new normal.

buck up, buttercup.

one day, we might be able to walk through our own front doors without panicking about whether we washed our hands or not, but until then, we all need to saddle up and get comfy and decide how we’re doing to handle all of this upheaval.

me? well, i’ve i’m going to do my part to be kind, and helpful, and go out of my way to make people smile.

i don’t know how. i haven’t figured it out yet.

it’ll give me something to think about, anyway.

xx

insult to injury

so, i lost my job on friday.

i can’t say that it was totally unexpected (a job is only willing to put up with issues and illnesses so long, it seems), but it still stings and the fact that it happened right before christmas is just salt on the wound that has been this entire year.

i also admit that i’ve been pretty mopey and angry about the whole thing.

how dare they fire me?

but no one is irreplaceable, are they? especially in the work force. there’s always someone who’s willing to take up the space you filled for less and that’s what corporations want, right?

even in my situation, my desk was emptied and filled the very next day (i heard this from a friend who works in the very same department), and even that wasn’t shocking.

it still hurt, though.

i gave four years of my life to that job, and while it soured toward the end for various reasons (personal and health related alike), i did enjoy what i did.

but, dwelling on what could have (or should have) happened isn’t going to do anyone any good and as of today, i’ve spent a week doing the thing i told myself i wouldn’t do.

so, i’m not going to anymore.

i got fired.

it happens.

it sucks, and it’s a definite blow to my pride and ego, but i can look at this as a positive instead of a negative.

  1. i’m no longer working a job that i’m bored with for people that don’t want me around.
  2. i have the opportunity to explore new adventures
  3. i have time to focus on my studio and other projects i’ve put on the back burner

ultimately, i’ll be alright.

things are tough, but i’ve made it through my entire life by just tucking my head down and plowing forward.

this really isn’t all that different.

sure, money’s tight and i’m not quite sure where i’m going to scramble my next rent payment from, but i have to trust in the universe, right?

for months, everything’s been telling me that change is coming, that adventures await, that new beginnings are to be had.

i didn’t think it would be this extreme or jarring, but who am i to judge?

i just have to listen.

xx